Wednesday, April 25, 2007

As per request from the Strident one I will now post my favorite (and shortest) story from my senior project.

Blood Curdling Toddlers






My name is Timothy Dwyer, and I am a monarch, a prince, nigh an Imperator amongst my plebian classmates in this third grade. My standing amongst those younger than myself is admirable as well; they nearly beg to be accepted into my flock of loyal followers as we battle the s from my imagination atop the play structures. I am the judge, he who brings them under my wing and initiates them into the delicate balance of the me and my bodyguards play. The are carefully constructed training exercises I have placed them through as a means of increasing their awareness of the menace to society all the things in my imagination are. They must be prepared. They might seem to consist of young children sprinting about the field only to find themselves back on top of the play structure to those unaware, but to the enlightened folk, we battled hideous aliens from another planet, fend off British Privateers, and live lives of adventure and glory. The simpleminded stand in awe at our massive epic dramas of courage and sacrifice.
My standing amongst these children does not go unchallenged however. Among the more brutish and dull in my class lurks an unknown danger. Its name is Kyle, his robust and cylindrical body supporting a pudgy head containing a mushy brain meant only for acting and all sort of feminine activities. I initially attempted contact, and with mild success he was kept amongst my troupe of merry warriors. His contributions to our travels grew lax however and his strain upon the group grew to an incredible amount, it was time to send him away from my sight. As he was dragged from the steps of my palace atop the slide he yelled a string of curses and many cliché lines that I maybe should have paid heed to, but no matter, those aliens had just traversed the second terrace and there was no time to waste. Months passed and my agents spotted his many failed attempts to rally his own rival troupe of followers. All of his pitiful attempts came crashing about him; truly he lacked what the public demands. Undetermined by his upsets on the playground he attempted to oust my power through the stage.
In these days all of the class was required to participate in said play, whether it be painting of the backdrops or placing oneself before parents and peers for ridicule beyond measure. I was to play the role of a Rhinoceros with a strangely afflicted horn; it appeared to be perpetually green. Kyle held a much larger part and practiced diligently for what he thought would be his chance for vengeance. For the weeks surrounding this event very little was heard of this Kyle and his activities. The days seemed to roll past me, my lines were securely locked inside my mind and my acting choreographed splendidly by my maternal unit, oh how the days rolled by. After acceptable amounts of rolling, the day arrived with a clap of thunder. Outside the classroom sat us wretched few actors. Inside were our peers, slowly being devoured by a stimulation starved audience. As I took the stage with my fellows, I cast my gaze about the audience and saw a most troubling sight, heads lolled to the side as eyes drooped under the never-ending weight of pity. I took it upon myself to lighten this horrid crowd with a rousing rendition of the Thespian arts. My concentration however was ruined at the last minute as mine eye caught a glimpse of my parents, oh how they waved. The words that left my mouth were far from stellar and I left the stage with the knowledge that I had failed in my sacred task. My heart raced as the loathsome form of Kyle took to the stage. I recognized the glint in his eye, his plans for retribution and a devious scheme to exploit my defeat. I was about to cry out in despair and rage against the Gods of man, when his jaw went slack and his eyes fixated on two members of the audience. Mine eyes followed that gaze and a thin smile split my face, there sat his parents, dumb smiles upon their faces and hands in perpetual side to side motion. I sat back and watched his performance that, as well, failed to bring the slumbering audience from their child induced coma.
Things appeared to be going swimmingly, rivals had been sunk under a sea of humiliation, and the play was a non issue in the grand scheme of things. Oh how I still sat upon the throne of power. If I could have only glimpsed past this façade of well being, I would have seen the filthy schemes festering in the maniacal mind of Kyle.
Twas the beginning of aftercare for us of my domain. The circle was quiet except for the rambling of the teacher. Whispers began to spread amongst my peers. I anxiously awaited this new spot of gossip to enter mine ear but, unfortunately, this was not to be. The runners failed to report this news; truly, they failed to report at all! I looked about my stronghold/starship and found not a single member of my coterie. I was quite befuddled by this latest development but thought little of it. Twas but one day amongst many and tomorrow would be a fantastic rebound.
I entered the schoolyard to be met with fearful glances and worried shuffling. I took this as them finally accepting my proposal for dictatorship, so I merrily skipped into my room of learning to begin my day. It became apparent that things were not as they seem as I entered the classroom.
As we went through our daily morning rituals (leftovers from a time I assure you) I attempted to seat myself betwixt my two closest comrades. I sat with an air or regality and held my head high, looking either way to my compatriots. I was most surprised to see them scoot away from their superior and turn their gazes down. I decided that this was their form of offering respect to their newfound leader and brushed it off after a mere moments worry. The Dwyer clan breeds a stronger breed, one not upset by the fear they instill in others! I was only living up to my great ancestors.
My feelings of grandeur did not last long however, as even when directly spoken to the insolent maggots refused to respond and busied themselves with things that I had never told them to do. I was becoming disturbed.
I prepared to wreak horrible vengeance upon my insubordinate fellows when mine eyes caught those of Kyle, the two balls of putrid white twinkling with horrible glee. I instantly hardened my heart and struck out my chin. I would not let the foolish cur see me lose my cool and calculating manner. I purposely strode to my seat and set about work, doing as best I could to drive the troubling events of the day into the back of my mind. I would confer with those loyal to me at our break time and learn what horrible had triggered such callous and foolish actions amongst my herd.
I marched myself over to the tree grove, its sheltering bows and green leaves had always hidden my many eyes and ears. As I entered I saw my rabble of men busy at work as usual on some trap for insects; they were not the most intelligent, but they were reliable. I announced my presence to the serfs, their activities instantly stopped, their heads slowly rising so their bulbous eyes locked with mine. I noticed in their faces, amid the stupidity and the dirt, a sense of fear. This fear had long since been an ally of mine, it allowed me to control my fellows and maintain order amid a normally order less world. But this fear was different, no longer was it fear of what I might do; it was fear of me myself! This would not do at all. I left them to their torrid work and launched myself away to my secret lair.
The wind ran through the branches and leaves rustled amid my hair. I sat upon the bow of a wide buckeye tree with low lying branches and numerous leaves and thought. These cretins were most annoying, I thought that of them before but they had always been obediently annoying. This new series of events perplexed me. The only person who seemed to be responsible, and who held the malice and villainy necessary for such a heinous crime was the being who I dueled with on a constant basis. I unseated myself and moved to the fringes of my lair and peered out of the branches at my target, his horrible fleshy bulk sat amidst his clique of s, they had strange ways that I deemed unfit for my tribe, they had an obsession with sticky pieces of paper printed and made into heathen symbols which they dubbed "stickers". Oh how I loathed them.
I decided the only course of action for a proud warrior king such as myself was to go down in a blaze of glory against the foul being. He was my only suspect in this case, and, while I was a just ruler, I did not hesitate to enforce law and order (more specifically, my law and my orders). I took in my hand the divine stick of bludgeoning justice and strode out of my lair to fight my greatest foe and his legion of fierce warriors, little girls.
As I strode and tested the weight of my instrument of retribution I met one of my rebellious followers along the way. I was preparing to strike him down as well with a vicious blow when he spoke. The gist of his gibbering was that a horrible rumor had been planted in the minds of my populate and they had believed every word of it. Apparently, I was an Alien come down to earth with mind control powers, thus explaining my control over my domain. I was dumbstruck, I knew my followers to be dense and moronic, but not to this ridiculous degree.
My wrath was rising vengeance was calling, I attempted to move forward to my enemy and strike him down, thus proving my manly nature. But I felt an annoying tugging upon my arm, twas my follower holding me back. He pleaded with me not t go, insisting that he would destroy me. I tried to brush him off and continue with my perceived duty, but this one was most tenacious and demented. He informed me of the dangers I would face before this foul demon. His cube of a head would prove impervious to me and would be his most powerful weapon when swung in violent slashes, his meaty arms hid an inhuman amount of power, and his head did contain the wit to flee my heroics. I considered these facts for many seconds before deciding that a head on collision with this ogre was not the greatest of strategies. I retired to my home for the day, the events swimming about my head weighing me down. I tried to consider my options, but other concerns pulled me away, those legos weren’t going to build themselves!
I returned to my ruptured kingdom the next day a humbled boy. I expected my position to be usurped and my title stripped from me by the foul Kyle. The best I could hope for was to gather those still loyal to me and attempt a coup within the coming weeks. But as I entered the classroom I saw only chaos where once I had created order. Every underling I once held under my sway was stricken with confusion and anarchy. I let a smile split my face and gazed about triumphantly, the fools had learned a lesson, they need me, their Prince. Without the Prince there was nothing, and anything done to preserve the power of the Prince was justifiable as long as order was maintained and the plebs lulled back into complacency. I saw the task I had at hand, and set about to make it right.

I hope you enjoyed it, plebs.

4 comments:

Andy Cantor said...

That was awesome! Have you ever read anything by Eoin Colfer? (An Irish fellow by the by.) This reminds me a lot of his work. Very funny. Great job!

Post another one? Pretty, pretty please?

Peter said...

Very nice!

Andy Cantor said...

Pretty, pretty, pretty please?????????

McBeaner said...

All my other ones are much to long for this medium! Perhaps when I get around to printing them out as books I'll give you one to gander at.